The unsaid "no"

Some people have a difficult time saying no. It's either because they are kind people who are afraid to hurt you or because they are weak people who don't want to take responsibility for their own desires, or because they know that this no can lead to a cooling of your relationship, which is something they do not want. Whichever the reason, their own wish is to not go through with whatever it is that you are asking, but are afraid or do not want to say that out loud.

If you are one of those people, even if you think you have very good reason to do what you do, think twice of it. The time spent not saying no is a time lost for you who cannot move on to the consequences of this choice (desire?) and a time lost for the one asking, who while waiting for you could ask someone else, someone who might actually say yes. If what motivates you towards not expressing the no is the desire to not hurt the person that's asking, think that long-term your indecision (or fear of speaking your mind) could cause that person much more damage than an outright no.

Example: someone wants you to help them move their things from one town to another. You cannot or don't want to do that but you don't say no. The time they are waiting for you to make up your mind is a time when someone else could have helped them with that. During this time they might need their things in the new place, but they do not have them because they are waiting for you. When you finally make up your mind to tell them the truth, they will probably be angrier than if you had told them from the beginning, due to all that lost time.

Of course, the above is a trivial example, but there are more important things that can be lost while waiting for an answer that you know won't be good from the start. A man asks a woman out - she doesn't want to but she doesn't say no for fear of hurting him. For that man, the time spent waiting for her is a time when he could have met someone who reciprocated his feelings. Another man might count on some money that he lent you, but you can't pay back. He needs them for urgent shopping and because he thinks you will repay him, he doesn't think to get them somewhere else.

And so on...

The good news if you are the one waiting for an answer is that, if you look closely, you will know the answer from the way that person is behaving. If a woman wants to go out with a man, she will probably say yes the first time - or if there is something truly stopping her but she still wants it, she will suggest an alternative. A man who wants to pay his debt will make arrangements to do so, even if he cannot do it in the time you would wish him to.

We just have to look for the signs and stop lying to ourselves. Very rarely "I don't know" can turn into an exuberant "yes". Most of the times it turns into a mumbled "no". And it's better if we don't count on things that are not going to happen.