Toxic families and relationships
Here's a question you're going to ask yourself at least once in your life: is having a toxic family/relationship better or worse than none at all?
I have felt loneliness and I know how much it hurts to be alone especially at a time like Christmas (since it's the season) to look around you and see relationships and families flourishing while your social calendar consists of reading a book/watching a movie or playing a computer game. And yes, while all the above activities are fun, they're not as much fun when they're just about the only option you have.
The temptation is to jump into the arms of a person that has nothing to do with what you want, is nowhere near what you need and is as suitable for you as a naked swim in midwinter. We jump into that person's arms, because that person is the only one that showed an interest or some sort of an availability (very likely they are jumping into your arms for the same reason you are jumping into theirs). We are choosing them because there's no other better option out there.
What will that do?
Basically you will have a homebase with a person that does not suit you and does not feel like home. And that will make your homebase frustrating -when the homebase is supposed to be the place where you are supposed to feel most like yourself. For how long can you take it and is it really better than being alone?
It's even worse, when the only family you have is made up of people who hurt you on a regular basis, intentionally or not. There's this whole tendency to stick with one's family, because they were a given at birth, but if they hurt you what is your obligation to them? If the time spent with them hurts you more than it does you good, why do you keep spending time with them?
It's a very fine line that needs to be walked. You cannot waste your life waiting for perfection, but is it any better to just accept the first available option? Rather than a frustrating life or expectancy you have a frustrating life of conflict. None are any better.
The solution (and yeah, easier said than done, I know), as I see it, is to recognize the amount of compromise you're willing to make prior to being frustrated with a person and never take anyone who needs a bigger compromise than that.
And just remember that most of the time, the frustration of being lonely comes from your unhappiness with yourself rather than from the lack of another person next to you.
Happy holidays y'all.
I have felt loneliness and I know how much it hurts to be alone especially at a time like Christmas (since it's the season) to look around you and see relationships and families flourishing while your social calendar consists of reading a book/watching a movie or playing a computer game. And yes, while all the above activities are fun, they're not as much fun when they're just about the only option you have.
The temptation is to jump into the arms of a person that has nothing to do with what you want, is nowhere near what you need and is as suitable for you as a naked swim in midwinter. We jump into that person's arms, because that person is the only one that showed an interest or some sort of an availability (very likely they are jumping into your arms for the same reason you are jumping into theirs). We are choosing them because there's no other better option out there.
What will that do?
Basically you will have a homebase with a person that does not suit you and does not feel like home. And that will make your homebase frustrating -when the homebase is supposed to be the place where you are supposed to feel most like yourself. For how long can you take it and is it really better than being alone?
It's even worse, when the only family you have is made up of people who hurt you on a regular basis, intentionally or not. There's this whole tendency to stick with one's family, because they were a given at birth, but if they hurt you what is your obligation to them? If the time spent with them hurts you more than it does you good, why do you keep spending time with them?
It's a very fine line that needs to be walked. You cannot waste your life waiting for perfection, but is it any better to just accept the first available option? Rather than a frustrating life or expectancy you have a frustrating life of conflict. None are any better.
The solution (and yeah, easier said than done, I know), as I see it, is to recognize the amount of compromise you're willing to make prior to being frustrated with a person and never take anyone who needs a bigger compromise than that.
And just remember that most of the time, the frustration of being lonely comes from your unhappiness with yourself rather than from the lack of another person next to you.
Happy holidays y'all.
Comments
Post a Comment
Don't spam, I'll delete it anyway. Anything else works.